Oh God...I've got the squits

Well it had to happen at some time, but why did it have to happen when I'm in a guesthouse with skanky shared toilets?
I've spent the last hour coughing up blood and soiling myself (they're never going to let me back into this internet cafe).
No but seriously...it's probably Amoebic Dysentery or Dengue Fever. I doubt I shall survive the night so I'll say goodbye now.
On a unrelated note...if that fucking cockerel outside my window doesnt fucking shut up I'm going to go out and staple it's bastard fucking beak shut. The same goes for that arse-biscuit of a cat, mewing it's head off all night. Why cant it go and starve to death somewhere else? Maybe if I could grab the cat by the tail I could use it to beat the rooster to death with. Two birds with one stone so to speak.