So I saw a woman firing bananas out of her vagina...
...no photos though.
That's what's called a 'teaser'. More in a minute.
So here I am again in Thailand. Crossed the border from Cambodia a few days ago, stayed overnight in Trat and then headed for Ko Chang. Nice island but I was only planning on going there for a couple of days to do a snorkel dive before heading toward Bangkok and then down south and the stupid cow at the guesthouse took my money for the snorkel day trip they organise but forgot to tell the people who actually turn up in the morning with the boat so I just sat around for a bit waiting pointlessly before fucking off back to the mainland in disgust. Got my money back though.
Hey ho. I'm heading to Khoa Lak today which is near Phuket, Krabi etc. where I will spend the rest of my time in Thailand, snorkeling, kayaking and scuba-diving. Not bad for a guy who cant swim to save his life. Well actually, I could probably swim to save my life should saving my life be required but fortunately the situation has yet to arise.
Just had a disgusting meal. Sometimes the noodles here can be quite nice but sometimes they can be like eating long flattened streaks of snot. Also it's some kind of holy Buddha day and bars and restaurants are not supposed to sell booze so I had to keep the bottle hidden under the table and drink from a plastic cup in case the police drove by. The sacrifices I make in the name of religious tolerance.
After Ko Chang I stopped for one night in Pattaya. As you may or may not know Thailand is the sex tourist capital of Asia (in fact, according to the guidebook sex tourism makes up 50% of all tourism in Thailand) and Pattaya is the sex tourism capital. What can I say, the place was pure class. As well as the sex aspect it's also the most popular beach resort in the country as it's only two hours from Bangkok so many tourists fly into the capital and then head to Pattaya to soak up the sun. As a result the place is a neon soaked nightmare of fat balding or mulleted guys wandering round with tiny delicate Asian prostitutes and whole families of squinty peeling German and English holiday makers. Lots of bars with names like The Nag's Head and The Plow and Parrot etc.
Not that I can really criticize as I took in a sex show whilst I was there, thus becoming part of the problem. You've probably guessed that's what the title of the entry is in reference to. The bizarre genital stunts and groups of curious tourists (often groups of women or even families - no kids, but lots of couples with their parents) in attendance combined to produce a spectacularly un-erotic spectacle that could only be made worse by some brighter lighting and possibly lots of photographs on the walls of my mum and dad looking disapproving.
You know, it's funny being back in Thailand. I think the thing that strikes me the most after travelling in Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia is just how FUCKING EXPENSIVE it is here!!! Sweet Jesus! 80 Baht for a beer! 300 Baht for a crappy concrete hut near a beach! 875 Baht for a bus ticket to Khoa Lak!
I seem to remember people saying stuff like "Yeah it was just a hut with a bed in but it was right on the beach and only cost 3 dollars."
I'm beginning to think I misheard and they were actually saying "It was just a hut with a bed in and cost 10 fucking dollars BUT it was right on the beach."
Anyway, I have to go now and watch Rocky Balboa. Bye.
That's what's called a 'teaser'. More in a minute.
So here I am again in Thailand. Crossed the border from Cambodia a few days ago, stayed overnight in Trat and then headed for Ko Chang. Nice island but I was only planning on going there for a couple of days to do a snorkel dive before heading toward Bangkok and then down south and the stupid cow at the guesthouse took my money for the snorkel day trip they organise but forgot to tell the people who actually turn up in the morning with the boat so I just sat around for a bit waiting pointlessly before fucking off back to the mainland in disgust. Got my money back though.
Hey ho. I'm heading to Khoa Lak today which is near Phuket, Krabi etc. where I will spend the rest of my time in Thailand, snorkeling, kayaking and scuba-diving. Not bad for a guy who cant swim to save his life. Well actually, I could probably swim to save my life should saving my life be required but fortunately the situation has yet to arise.
Just had a disgusting meal. Sometimes the noodles here can be quite nice but sometimes they can be like eating long flattened streaks of snot. Also it's some kind of holy Buddha day and bars and restaurants are not supposed to sell booze so I had to keep the bottle hidden under the table and drink from a plastic cup in case the police drove by. The sacrifices I make in the name of religious tolerance.
After Ko Chang I stopped for one night in Pattaya. As you may or may not know Thailand is the sex tourist capital of Asia (in fact, according to the guidebook sex tourism makes up 50% of all tourism in Thailand) and Pattaya is the sex tourism capital. What can I say, the place was pure class. As well as the sex aspect it's also the most popular beach resort in the country as it's only two hours from Bangkok so many tourists fly into the capital and then head to Pattaya to soak up the sun. As a result the place is a neon soaked nightmare of fat balding or mulleted guys wandering round with tiny delicate Asian prostitutes and whole families of squinty peeling German and English holiday makers. Lots of bars with names like The Nag's Head and The Plow and Parrot etc.
Not that I can really criticize as I took in a sex show whilst I was there, thus becoming part of the problem. You've probably guessed that's what the title of the entry is in reference to. The bizarre genital stunts and groups of curious tourists (often groups of women or even families - no kids, but lots of couples with their parents) in attendance combined to produce a spectacularly un-erotic spectacle that could only be made worse by some brighter lighting and possibly lots of photographs on the walls of my mum and dad looking disapproving.
You know, it's funny being back in Thailand. I think the thing that strikes me the most after travelling in Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia is just how FUCKING EXPENSIVE it is here!!! Sweet Jesus! 80 Baht for a beer! 300 Baht for a crappy concrete hut near a beach! 875 Baht for a bus ticket to Khoa Lak!
I seem to remember people saying stuff like "Yeah it was just a hut with a bed in but it was right on the beach and only cost 3 dollars."
I'm beginning to think I misheard and they were actually saying "It was just a hut with a bed in and cost 10 fucking dollars BUT it was right on the beach."
Anyway, I have to go now and watch Rocky Balboa. Bye.
posted by Ben at 11:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home